Breaking Free!!!

This post has been long overdue, i just can't find the time to just sit down and blog properly this whole year. As you can see this year is really productive for me personally as i have been doing things that i can't split myself or give myself time to...you know..BLOG!

I don't want to say i am finally back...as you can see..when i finally thought i can spend some time here..then something will surely come up..so..no promises here..I'll blog as frequent as i can..definitely. Anyhow, there are a few unfinished entry in my draft right now that i am contemplating whether i should post it or not, kinda embarrassing to post up events that had happened early this year...hehe. As you know..it's almost the end of the year.

I guess i will eventually post it, as i don't care anymore. Yup, my new year resolution will be, 'Do not let anyone take advantage of you'. Why this motto? Because people treat me like shit and i will not let anyone do that to me anymore. So many people around me that disappoint me, so i will not anyone affect me or my emotions or my actions anymore. I'll do what i want and i do what makes me happy. Hear this, you will not take my dignity away from me and i will not let you treat me like i do not exist.

I have made a lot of thinking about this, whatever happens from early this year till now, anything good or bad, has been playing on my mind all year round and i had enough. Yes, i know i am old and it take me so long to learn. That was my weakest point, i trust people too much and i have faith in people and i believe that there is some good things in them. But after so many 'unfortunate event', i have already think it through as i envy people who can just breakaway..and i will, eventually i will.

I know I've been rambling on like some crazy woman, but it just flows out from me. I am saying this not on impulse but these thoughts have been in my mind over and over again. These 'events' keep playing and rewinding itself in my head. I won't let them affect me anymore. My New Year will be a great one..i know. I'm finally breaking free of all things bad!

The Big Bad Wolf Books Sale!

I'm totally broke for the next few months, you know why? Because there was this certain Big Bad Wolf that bit a big chunk out of my purse. I went crazy during this time as i missed the first Big Bad Wolf Books Sale, so i thought since i missed the first one i should compensate by buying more this time to make it up for the last one i missed, get it?

Yup, i bought a total of 80 books...YUP, you heard 80 books. I know i went overboard with it, but i bought books mostly are bestsellers and thank god i grab hold of the books on the first day, because when i went back the next day, it was all gone.

I sneak out during lunch hours and with the limited parking at Amcorp Mall, you can imagine the traffic and the jam that they caused. I parked illegally (yea..saman la), i don't really care much, i just want to get my books. I see all these people coming up with boxes of books get me all excited inside ...felt like i had a bookgasm. March up to the 3rd floor and found out that they did not allow us in. My god, you should see the amount of people jam-packed into one small area. They looked like sardines in a can and i am about to join in.

I waited for like 10 mins and they finally let us it, you see people literally running in to grab hold of those empty boxes provided and disappeared into the crowd. I remember throughout my whole half an hour of randomly picking up books, each time i have to say 'Excuse Me' and 'Sorry'. You can even stop and browse the books and you know why? Because the queue from the cashier snakes through the whole place. and you don't know where did the queue ended. Seriously, it was that bad!

I have to just follow the flow of the current of people as i can't stop. I just grab any books that i can reach, grab and grab and grab. People are very nice as they understand it's so crowded in there that we have to squeeze our way through. But there are a few bad apples you know, this guy, quite young, handsome man, dressed very formal was walking towards me, but i can't move as there are people queueing upon both sides, so i try to turn to the left to let him cross, but he was no gentleman, all he does was 'tsk'. My god, a man dress for smartly but attitute like some uneducated brat. Hello!!! We are all educated people there, all avid readers, so use your common sense and rationality when you got into the crowd. You should have expected what will happen when you get in there.

Anyway, that did not affect me, i'm too thrill that i got so many good books. I know i can't make it in time for work if i were to queue up that time. So, i reserved my books and came back towards the evening and pay for my reserved books, hehe. Luckily, Big Bad Wolf provides a little help to ease the buyings from carrying big heavy boxes, they provide trolleys...Wow, i was so thankful that i need not carry the box down 3 floors with my bare hands. Well, it made no difference as my arms ache the next day anyway :)

These are the Damages from the Big Bad Wolf Sale!


A Man called Dave and Moving Forward by Dave Pezler
Chicken Soup For the Soul
Be Happy Without Being Perfect



The Associate by John Grisham
Disclosure by Michael Crichton
Rant by Chuck Palahniuk
Cat O'Nine Tales, First Among Equals and A Matter of Honour by Jeffrey Archer



The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon, Carrie, Blaze and Pet Semetry by Stephen King

Classics

Beloved by Toni Morisson
A Mercy by Toni Morisson
Dracula by Bram Stoker
Frankenstein by Mary Shelly
Sexing the Cherry by Jeanette Winterson

Asian Authors
A Loyal Character Dancer, When Red is Black and Red Mandarin Dress by Qiu Xiaolong
20 Fragments of A Ravenous Youth and A Concise Chinese-English Dictionary for Lovers by Xiaolu Guo
Miss Chopsticks by Xinran
Real World by Natsuo Kirino

More Asian Authors
Brilliance of The Moon, Grass For His Pillow and Across the Nightingale Floor by Lian Hearn
Snow Princess by Laura Joh Rowland
Once On A Moonless Night by Dai Sijie


Second Sight, Wicked Widow and With This Ring by Amanda QuickMr. Cavendish, I Presume and The Lost Duke of Wyndham By Julia Quinn

French Women For All Season by Mireille Guiliano
Two Lipsticks and A Lover by Helena Firth Powell
Second Prize by Chris Manby
All be cause of You and Wishful Thinking by Melissa Hill
Acting Up by Melissa Nathan

Tempt Me At Twilight, Seduce Me At Sunrise by Lisa Kleypas

An Affair Before Christmas and Desperate Duchess by Eloisa James

Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates

Wish You Were Here by Mike Gayle

The Road, No Country For Old Man and The Crossing by Cormac Mc Carthy

Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides

Hurting distance by Sophie Hannah

A Spot of Brother by Mark Haddon

Christ The Lord (Road to Cana) by Anne Rice

Beyong Ugly by Constance Briscoe

Devil Bones and Break No Bones by Kathy Reichs

The Point Of Rescue by Sophie Hannah

The Almost Moon by Alice Sebold

Little Hut of Leaping Fishes by Chiew-Siah Tei

Heaven's Net Is Wide by Lian Hearn

Dream Angus by Alexander McCall Smith

How to Walk in High Heels and A Year In High Heels by Camilia Morton

Girl in High Heels by Ellouise Moore

The Little Giant of Aberdeen County by Tiffany Baker

Free Gift With Purchase by Jean Godfrey-June

The Secret Shopper Unwrap by Kate Harisson

Vintage by Olivia Darling

All these are my reads supply for the next two years or so, hehe. Bought far too many chick lits but you can never go wrong with chick lits, always funny and light and easy read without the need to crack your head.

Recently, i've develop interest in Historical Fiction. It started off with 'The Other Boleyn Girl' by Phillipa Gregory and it rolls from there. I've never been this interested on anything before this, makes me want to find out more about King Henry VIII and all his six wives. Thus, the purchase of all Dukes and Duches inspired books.

Bought a lot of books with AsianThemes and Asian Authors, can't help it. Anything related to Asians just intrigues me, just something that we can relate to you know. Futhermore, you can help 'Ka Ki Lang' ma right?

I Love You Grandma, May You Rest in Peace.

Today is the final day of my Grandmother's funeral, we have buried her with my grandfather and she finally rest in peace with him. We were not asked to wear the traditional attire as my mother was given away, so we were consider illegitimate. Due to respect, we still were there to pay our last respect throughout the 3 days.

Our last prayer this morning was an emotional one, i told myself not to cry but my tears just flow and i couldn't help it. It is a tradtion that we were not allowed to look when the coffin is moved, even at the cemetery when the people move her coffin to the burial ground and laying the coffin in, we were not allowed to see unless the coffin is idle.

I remember i did ask my grandfather (from my father's side) why can't we look? I was told that we are not allowed to look because we don't want to hold her spirit back. If we look back, means that we don't want her spirit to leave and she can't move on to afterlife. That is how the tradition derived.

I knew my Grandmother was with us when they moved her coffin out of the house. I smell something from our childhood, the smell that reminds me of grandma. Me and my sister Melodee was like looking at each other, we are saying like, 'it's Grandma'. The smell brings back memories that we spend time with my Grandma, that very smell reminds us of her. It was the smell of loveletter. Our memories with her was sitting down around the hot charcoal and making loveletters for Chinese New Year. We usually gather, everyone will be there, making loveletters.

Grandma, you will always be in our hearts and never forgotten. Everytime i smell of loveletters, it reminds me of you. Love you Grandma and may you rest in peace.

I need more time!!!!

Time really flies, then i realise that 1/4 of the year had past....my Chinese New Year template is still up..haha...time to take it down eh..That is also how long i have neglected my blog.

Chinese New Year passed in a flash, didn't do much this year. It's very quiet and not as merry as the year before. I've done lesser visiting, i feel like i'm too old to be going around collecting red packets. And it is getting lesser by the years...not complaining though, i blame my age..haha

I've started my German Language class after 2 years that i have completed my beginner's level. Thank god i didn't lose touch on the grammar and vocabs, just need a little freshen up. I think i'm doing quite well, i'm finally catching up. Initially Goethe Institut didn't allow me to do my 2nd Level, the reason was that the certificate availability is only for 2 years. But i convince them i don't need to go through the 1st level and that i am confident that i can catch up the 2nd level.

As you know, they try to say anything to make you think twice. They say things like, the 2nd level is more difficult (i'm like duh!!), more grammar, more vocabs, (well, definitely i'm expecting that right?). Well, i'm very determine not to start from the beginner's level again. I've done once in a Volkhochschule in Bad Krueznach, Germany. Then when i came back to Malaysia and did the 1st level for the certificate sake because in Germany i didn't get a certificate for it. No, i won't go through the 1st level for the 3rd time.

So, they gave me an ultimatum. Either i join the 1st level or i can join the 2nd level, but they will not allow me to fall back to the 1st level if i can't catch up. It seems that the 1st level class is always full, come to see it, the Saturday class 1st level can still accommodate me if they want to.

But hey..i die die also will never fall back lar....i pay more for the 2nd level course le...But that is not the main issue here, i just want to move on and i know the 1st level is not a challenge for me. I just need to improve more on the rule of DATIV and AKKUSATIV, damn..i get confuse on when to use which... I just need more practice.

Just a little update on what i am doing currently. Will be taking another major exam on the 16th of April which is the Certified Documentary Credit Specialist (CDCS) examination. I work late on all my week days, i'm too tired to study at night as i need to get up early the next day for work. Saturday i have my German class and i feel bad that i sometimes don't do the homework given, it's just my priority right now is my exam as i am not sponsored by the company. They think that i'm willing to pay for myself because i am planning to leave to company after that (what bull is that right?). Anyway, this topic requires another blog entry which i will do. So, i'm juggling my Saturday night for my German hausaufgabe and reading for my CDCS exam.

Please hope that i can pull this through, and for this i took a week of on the last week of March to get prepared and catch up on my revision. I hope it is worth it..yea..i guess it is :)

Still pushing through....

It's nearly the end of another year. It has gone by in a flash, it seems like just yesterday i just came back from my trip to Bali. Every piece of memory still vividly paints my thoughts. I never had so much fun before in all of my trips, hopefully my trip next year to Cambodia will be as unforgettable as my trip to the Island of Gods.

I let another year gone by without improving myself academically, physically and mentally. Basically i am still the same as i first started entering year 2008. I felt i have wasted so much of my time for the past few years. Giving myself excuses for what i can't do to make myself feel better and feeling worst everytime i try to find more excuses for myself.

I'm not really a fan of making resolutions, why make any when you can't even follow through it? So, yea..i am being a hypocrite here. So, i am making a resolution that i will follow through all of the resolution that I'll make coming 2009. Well, i hope i can like fully make at least 1 resolution happen. I'm not going to let another year gone by without any improvement or changes into my routine.

One thing that really boost my confidence is that i got headhunted. Twice in fact, which is great for me. Working with the same company for more than 3 years has made me too comfortable. I have not even consider throwing myself out there in the market again. Finding better prospects for my career and getting paid for what i am really worth.

So, i am putting myself out there again finally, and now, i have to pull back. The economy is not looking very good, by next year there will be nearly 5000 people getting retrenched. Hopefully that I'm not in that pool of people, feeling insecure right now. Moving jobs now is definitely not an option, better to stay put for now. That is what people has been telling me.

I assume next year won't be a very good year, financially wise. Although the petrol price has gone down gradually, the food price did not decrease even a single cent. Way to go to hike up the petrol price drastically without even considering the long term effect it will bring to the RAKYAT. I say that is a good judgement there from the government.

This year i have put a lot of thought of furthering my studies part time. Thought of doing early childhood education, also to do my Masters which i have not thought of what major i should take, maybe something related to my job. Even thought of continuing my German Language class, i have stopped for more than 3 years. So many things in mind, but no action. I have that i procrastinate, but i have so many things to think about. Financially especially, and i am not making any excuses, trust me.

I have made a very important decision, which i will be taking a major exam next year in April. It cost me more than RM2500 to sit for this paper, and i don't wish to flunk it. Thinking of postponing the test to the year 2010, but why wait so long? i would get lazier if i keep thinking i still have a lot of time to get prepared. I'm definitely a last minute person, i work and study in stress. Which i cannot afford to do so right now as it involves my life savings.

And surprisingly, i will be attending my 2nd level of German lessons on the 12th of January 2009. Yup, i put myself in more stress and disaster. I will i manage my time? I really don't know. But i know i spend to much of my time at home and it is not healthy. Well, wish me luck! I'll enter the year 2009 with a bang!

Drama at work!!!

I tell you..it is definitely not a good ending to my year 2008. So much drama, so much conflict, so much backstabbing, seriously lor..It is never dull at work.

So many things happening that i really don't know how to start. It started last year when i heard this rumour about me at work. I actually don't really care what people say about me, but it went to the manager's ear and it's no longer OK for me to sit still. Well, although my Boss don't believe rumours like that and he assures me that it does not affect anything of his perception on me and told me to be cool about it and it's nothing. But it really does demoralized me. I mean who doesn't feel that way? My boss sits directly opposite me the moment he stands he can see me, i mean don't tell me i am that ignorant and stupid that i something and my boss is not aware?

Anyway, the rumor spreads that i sleep at work. I was really flabbergasted when i heard that. I mean..come on!!!! There are so many walking up and down, and my boss is sitting directly in front of me? Who the hell in this world would be so so stupid!!! Anyway, we work 12 hours straight at work, with no overtime!!! And now they are even cutting back on the food allowance. As you know, my work deals a lot with documentation, yes, it's very very boring for some people. It's like pages and pages of words..words and numbers and more words and numbers.. It strains your eyes a lot and facing the computer screen for hours will definitely take a toll on your eyes. I mean, don't i deserve at least 15 mins of break? Time to rest my eyes..like shut my eyes??? Well, i blink my eyes ever other second, accuse me of sleeping then?

I even go to work when i am sick, and i drive from Klang. You know how dangerous is that when you are on drugs medicine? If one whistle blower happen to walk by? Will they know that i am sick and still came to work? they wouldn't know right? Only my immediate boss can judge me on that. So now, i don't really care because when i am sick i just stay home as no one appreciates when you go to work when you are sick. They will just complain, so fuck that. I am staying home and rest. FYI, this happen early this year.

Recently, another issue came up. Sigh, i tell you, i am a person that can't fine my feelings for long and i don't know how to pretend. When i don't like you, it definitely shows. I did that once to her (my idiotic colleague that seems can't stop gossiping about other people) and eventually she starts talking to me again and i let bygones be bygones and forgave her. I truly did, i thought she has backed off...but no, she is back again.

I really am really stressed after i found out what she had said about me and my other colleague. I mean what has my doing affect her? Am i that influential? Am i that great that whatever i do affects her? Well, she complaint that me and my other colleagues always comes in late to work and makes her feel pressured. WHAT THE FUCK??? What has it got to do with her being pressured? She doesn't even do the products that i do? Even if i am on leave she doesn't follow up on my pending transaction!! What the hell does she even care if i am not around?

My boss did not even say anything because our company suppose to be flexible. We work more than 9 to 5, so most managers give and take. You are in no position to even make any remarks, you are not even my mentor or supervisor or my senior. You are in the same fucking position that i am and why care to what time i come in to work? Let the manager rate me, in the end, it affects my ratings, not yours!! SO WHY YOU FUCKING CARE??!!??!!

I don't understand why people can act cute and innocent in front of you and acts worst than a witch behind you. I seriously don't understand how she can act super-duper nice to me and back-stab me and cry about it. At that moment i wanted to go up to my boss and counter attack, but then i realised that why should i do that? If i do that then i would be the same as her, and i won't forgive myself for that action. So, i guess the best defense is sometimes not to defend at all. Why should i justify myself when i have not done anything wrong? It is because i am at fault then only i should justify my actions. So, that is why i am keeping quiet.

I am ignoring her for good, i come to work, completes it and go home. No more interaction with her anymore. I have been courteous and too nice. Now i just want to get my work done and go home. So, just stay with the people that brings you positive energy and stay away from the people that pulls you down and drain your spirit.

Peer Pressure???

Will you consider this as peer pressure ah? i really don't know.. I am so confused these days that it has been driving me nuts. OK, let me tell you a true story...yes it's a very long and true story. I never tell a short story..no short cuts..all detailed and precise.

To cut the long story short (pun intended). Think about this.. how far will you go to help a friend? Let's put the I'll sacrifice my life to help you and all that, some people will go to that extend la. My situation here is helping a friend who is not from Kuala Lumpur, to get a simple item from a particular outlet in Sunway Pyramid. You can see it is not that difficult or complicated right? Just to get something for a friend.

Ohh..not that simple!!! There is nothing simple about my dramatic life.. full of challenges and complications. I mean, I am all with helping a friend, i am more than willing to help out a friend. But for me, when i ask a Friend to do me a favour, i will ask if it is not of too much trouble, i want to be sure that my friend is OK with it and most important if that friend of mine can find time and the convenience to do it.

Well, when my friend ask me to get it, i agreed because..hey, that's what a friend would do right? Fro then on...my nightmare begins, my friend told me on a Saturday, then in the evening, call me again to remind me..i told my friend straight that i will not promise when i will go and get it, but i will definitely go and get it. I thought to myself that no way that i will drive down to Sunway Pyramid from Klang just to collect a HANDBAG.

My very persistent friend called me again on a Sunway morning when i was still fast asleep, again to remind me to get the bag. I told again that i can't promise when...bla bla bla...but i definitely will...bla bla bla...so on and so forth. I mean, give me a break..tell me once and shut up..i will arrange my time to my convenience, you don't have to remind me every fucking minute. I am not deaf or dumb.

On Monday, when i was at work. My friend called again to remind me, damn..this is getting too much, disturbing me during working hours to remind me of her stupid handbag. I so wanted to shout at her..but no..being a good friend that i am..i controlled my temper, because i know that my friend is not an educated person (she studied on;y till form 1) and please don't ask me how i got to her know. Well, she called at 1030am to remind me...and call me at 1100am AGAIN!!! What is so big deal about this bag?? Well, it is a limited edition bag that cost RM590.00!!

At 1100am she called me to tell me that she had booked the bag and i have no choice but to go and collect today because the supervisor of that outlet didn't want to hold it because there are too many people that made bookings later cancelled. What the hell?? Giving me more pressure right? My willingness to help a friend became a chore and a task that i have to perform. For the first time i felt used and taken advantage of... No friend should make you feel that way. I felt a little guilt as i don't think a friend should complain or feel the way like i did when helping a friend.

My friend given me the outlet's number and ask me to call this person that she was talking too. I thought no hurry, I'll go out for my lunch and i will call later when i can find time after lunch. Does she give me a peaceful lunch?? Apparently no??!!!???!!! She called me midway through lunch and questioned me why have i not called the outlet because she called the outlet and checked if i called and i did not?? What the fuck!! Leave me alone will ya!!! Your handbag is so so so important that you have to call and check up on me..seriously..she has too much time in hand lor...

I was very very angry and told her in a very stern voice that i am now having lunch and will call the outlet after lunch. She even said things like 'if you can't just tell me, i will ask my husband to take me down to KL during the weekend and take it by myself'. Well, yes, she is married!! I hate it when people threaten me. Then what is the difference me going to get the bag on Friday? Does it make any difference that i go and get it on a Friday?? No right?? It is still earlier than the weekends? Then what's the rush? I just don't understand!!!

I tell you she called me 5 more times after lunch which i ignore 2 of that calls. It is really distracting you know. Lucky that Celina has helped me by calling one of her friend that is working at Sunway Resort to help me collect that stupid bag. don't know what will i do if it's weren't for her help. Now i have to trouble my friend to help me get a bag for my other friend that my friend have to ask her friend to get the stupid bag for my other friend that my friend have not even met before. Seriously..i don't know what the hell i am talking about.

What length that i have to go through to get this bag? Full of shit. Then i have to deposit money to Celina's friend bank account. Come on..people won't fork out RM600 to get that stupid bag lar.. Truthfully, after seeing that bag, all my mind could think of is 'This is one ugly piece of shit'. Who in the world would buy a small bag that cost RM 590.00 and it's in silver metallic.

Yea.. Here's the picture!!

Told you it's one ugly piece of shit.

Sigh...This is the last time i am doing anymore favour for this friend of mine.. No more! No more!! I tell you and i am saying it again.... NO MORE!!!!