Still pushing through....

It's nearly the end of another year. It has gone by in a flash, it seems like just yesterday i just came back from my trip to Bali. Every piece of memory still vividly paints my thoughts. I never had so much fun before in all of my trips, hopefully my trip next year to Cambodia will be as unforgettable as my trip to the Island of Gods.

I let another year gone by without improving myself academically, physically and mentally. Basically i am still the same as i first started entering year 2008. I felt i have wasted so much of my time for the past few years. Giving myself excuses for what i can't do to make myself feel better and feeling worst everytime i try to find more excuses for myself.

I'm not really a fan of making resolutions, why make any when you can't even follow through it? So, yea..i am being a hypocrite here. So, i am making a resolution that i will follow through all of the resolution that I'll make coming 2009. Well, i hope i can like fully make at least 1 resolution happen. I'm not going to let another year gone by without any improvement or changes into my routine.

One thing that really boost my confidence is that i got headhunted. Twice in fact, which is great for me. Working with the same company for more than 3 years has made me too comfortable. I have not even consider throwing myself out there in the market again. Finding better prospects for my career and getting paid for what i am really worth.

So, i am putting myself out there again finally, and now, i have to pull back. The economy is not looking very good, by next year there will be nearly 5000 people getting retrenched. Hopefully that I'm not in that pool of people, feeling insecure right now. Moving jobs now is definitely not an option, better to stay put for now. That is what people has been telling me.

I assume next year won't be a very good year, financially wise. Although the petrol price has gone down gradually, the food price did not decrease even a single cent. Way to go to hike up the petrol price drastically without even considering the long term effect it will bring to the RAKYAT. I say that is a good judgement there from the government.

This year i have put a lot of thought of furthering my studies part time. Thought of doing early childhood education, also to do my Masters which i have not thought of what major i should take, maybe something related to my job. Even thought of continuing my German Language class, i have stopped for more than 3 years. So many things in mind, but no action. I have that i procrastinate, but i have so many things to think about. Financially especially, and i am not making any excuses, trust me.

I have made a very important decision, which i will be taking a major exam next year in April. It cost me more than RM2500 to sit for this paper, and i don't wish to flunk it. Thinking of postponing the test to the year 2010, but why wait so long? i would get lazier if i keep thinking i still have a lot of time to get prepared. I'm definitely a last minute person, i work and study in stress. Which i cannot afford to do so right now as it involves my life savings.

And surprisingly, i will be attending my 2nd level of German lessons on the 12th of January 2009. Yup, i put myself in more stress and disaster. I will i manage my time? I really don't know. But i know i spend to much of my time at home and it is not healthy. Well, wish me luck! I'll enter the year 2009 with a bang!

Drama at work!!!

I tell you..it is definitely not a good ending to my year 2008. So much drama, so much conflict, so much backstabbing, seriously lor..It is never dull at work.

So many things happening that i really don't know how to start. It started last year when i heard this rumour about me at work. I actually don't really care what people say about me, but it went to the manager's ear and it's no longer OK for me to sit still. Well, although my Boss don't believe rumours like that and he assures me that it does not affect anything of his perception on me and told me to be cool about it and it's nothing. But it really does demoralized me. I mean who doesn't feel that way? My boss sits directly opposite me the moment he stands he can see me, i mean don't tell me i am that ignorant and stupid that i something and my boss is not aware?

Anyway, the rumor spreads that i sleep at work. I was really flabbergasted when i heard that. I mean..come on!!!! There are so many walking up and down, and my boss is sitting directly in front of me? Who the hell in this world would be so so stupid!!! Anyway, we work 12 hours straight at work, with no overtime!!! And now they are even cutting back on the food allowance. As you know, my work deals a lot with documentation, yes, it's very very boring for some people. It's like pages and pages of words..words and numbers and more words and numbers.. It strains your eyes a lot and facing the computer screen for hours will definitely take a toll on your eyes. I mean, don't i deserve at least 15 mins of break? Time to rest my eyes..like shut my eyes??? Well, i blink my eyes ever other second, accuse me of sleeping then?

I even go to work when i am sick, and i drive from Klang. You know how dangerous is that when you are on drugs medicine? If one whistle blower happen to walk by? Will they know that i am sick and still came to work? they wouldn't know right? Only my immediate boss can judge me on that. So now, i don't really care because when i am sick i just stay home as no one appreciates when you go to work when you are sick. They will just complain, so fuck that. I am staying home and rest. FYI, this happen early this year.

Recently, another issue came up. Sigh, i tell you, i am a person that can't fine my feelings for long and i don't know how to pretend. When i don't like you, it definitely shows. I did that once to her (my idiotic colleague that seems can't stop gossiping about other people) and eventually she starts talking to me again and i let bygones be bygones and forgave her. I truly did, i thought she has backed off...but no, she is back again.

I really am really stressed after i found out what she had said about me and my other colleague. I mean what has my doing affect her? Am i that influential? Am i that great that whatever i do affects her? Well, she complaint that me and my other colleagues always comes in late to work and makes her feel pressured. WHAT THE FUCK??? What has it got to do with her being pressured? She doesn't even do the products that i do? Even if i am on leave she doesn't follow up on my pending transaction!! What the hell does she even care if i am not around?

My boss did not even say anything because our company suppose to be flexible. We work more than 9 to 5, so most managers give and take. You are in no position to even make any remarks, you are not even my mentor or supervisor or my senior. You are in the same fucking position that i am and why care to what time i come in to work? Let the manager rate me, in the end, it affects my ratings, not yours!! SO WHY YOU FUCKING CARE??!!??!!

I don't understand why people can act cute and innocent in front of you and acts worst than a witch behind you. I seriously don't understand how she can act super-duper nice to me and back-stab me and cry about it. At that moment i wanted to go up to my boss and counter attack, but then i realised that why should i do that? If i do that then i would be the same as her, and i won't forgive myself for that action. So, i guess the best defense is sometimes not to defend at all. Why should i justify myself when i have not done anything wrong? It is because i am at fault then only i should justify my actions. So, that is why i am keeping quiet.

I am ignoring her for good, i come to work, completes it and go home. No more interaction with her anymore. I have been courteous and too nice. Now i just want to get my work done and go home. So, just stay with the people that brings you positive energy and stay away from the people that pulls you down and drain your spirit.

Peer Pressure???

Will you consider this as peer pressure ah? i really don't know.. I am so confused these days that it has been driving me nuts. OK, let me tell you a true story...yes it's a very long and true story. I never tell a short story..no short cuts..all detailed and precise.

To cut the long story short (pun intended). Think about this.. how far will you go to help a friend? Let's put the I'll sacrifice my life to help you and all that, some people will go to that extend la. My situation here is helping a friend who is not from Kuala Lumpur, to get a simple item from a particular outlet in Sunway Pyramid. You can see it is not that difficult or complicated right? Just to get something for a friend.

Ohh..not that simple!!! There is nothing simple about my dramatic life.. full of challenges and complications. I mean, I am all with helping a friend, i am more than willing to help out a friend. But for me, when i ask a Friend to do me a favour, i will ask if it is not of too much trouble, i want to be sure that my friend is OK with it and most important if that friend of mine can find time and the convenience to do it.

Well, when my friend ask me to get it, i agreed because..hey, that's what a friend would do right? Fro then on...my nightmare begins, my friend told me on a Saturday, then in the evening, call me again to remind me..i told my friend straight that i will not promise when i will go and get it, but i will definitely go and get it. I thought to myself that no way that i will drive down to Sunway Pyramid from Klang just to collect a HANDBAG.

My very persistent friend called me again on a Sunway morning when i was still fast asleep, again to remind me to get the bag. I told again that i can't promise when...bla bla bla...but i definitely will...bla bla bla...so on and so forth. I mean, give me a break..tell me once and shut up..i will arrange my time to my convenience, you don't have to remind me every fucking minute. I am not deaf or dumb.

On Monday, when i was at work. My friend called again to remind me, damn..this is getting too much, disturbing me during working hours to remind me of her stupid handbag. I so wanted to shout at her..but no..being a good friend that i am..i controlled my temper, because i know that my friend is not an educated person (she studied on;y till form 1) and please don't ask me how i got to her know. Well, she called at 1030am to remind me...and call me at 1100am AGAIN!!! What is so big deal about this bag?? Well, it is a limited edition bag that cost RM590.00!!

At 1100am she called me to tell me that she had booked the bag and i have no choice but to go and collect today because the supervisor of that outlet didn't want to hold it because there are too many people that made bookings later cancelled. What the hell?? Giving me more pressure right? My willingness to help a friend became a chore and a task that i have to perform. For the first time i felt used and taken advantage of... No friend should make you feel that way. I felt a little guilt as i don't think a friend should complain or feel the way like i did when helping a friend.

My friend given me the outlet's number and ask me to call this person that she was talking too. I thought no hurry, I'll go out for my lunch and i will call later when i can find time after lunch. Does she give me a peaceful lunch?? Apparently no??!!!???!!! She called me midway through lunch and questioned me why have i not called the outlet because she called the outlet and checked if i called and i did not?? What the fuck!! Leave me alone will ya!!! Your handbag is so so so important that you have to call and check up on me..seriously..she has too much time in hand lor...

I was very very angry and told her in a very stern voice that i am now having lunch and will call the outlet after lunch. She even said things like 'if you can't just tell me, i will ask my husband to take me down to KL during the weekend and take it by myself'. Well, yes, she is married!! I hate it when people threaten me. Then what is the difference me going to get the bag on Friday? Does it make any difference that i go and get it on a Friday?? No right?? It is still earlier than the weekends? Then what's the rush? I just don't understand!!!

I tell you she called me 5 more times after lunch which i ignore 2 of that calls. It is really distracting you know. Lucky that Celina has helped me by calling one of her friend that is working at Sunway Resort to help me collect that stupid bag. don't know what will i do if it's weren't for her help. Now i have to trouble my friend to help me get a bag for my other friend that my friend have to ask her friend to get the stupid bag for my other friend that my friend have not even met before. Seriously..i don't know what the hell i am talking about.

What length that i have to go through to get this bag? Full of shit. Then i have to deposit money to Celina's friend bank account. Come on..people won't fork out RM600 to get that stupid bag lar.. Truthfully, after seeing that bag, all my mind could think of is 'This is one ugly piece of shit'. Who in the world would buy a small bag that cost RM 590.00 and it's in silver metallic.

Yea.. Here's the picture!!

Told you it's one ugly piece of shit.

Sigh...This is the last time i am doing anymore favour for this friend of mine.. No more! No more!! I tell you and i am saying it again.... NO MORE!!!!