Breaking Free!!!

This post has been long overdue, i just can't find the time to just sit down and blog properly this whole year. As you can see this year is really productive for me personally as i have been doing things that i can't split myself or give myself time to...you know..BLOG!

I don't want to say i am finally back...as you can see..when i finally thought i can spend some time here..then something will surely come up..so..no promises here..I'll blog as frequent as i can..definitely. Anyhow, there are a few unfinished entry in my draft right now that i am contemplating whether i should post it or not, kinda embarrassing to post up events that had happened early this year...hehe. As you know..it's almost the end of the year.

I guess i will eventually post it, as i don't care anymore. Yup, my new year resolution will be, 'Do not let anyone take advantage of you'. Why this motto? Because people treat me like shit and i will not let anyone do that to me anymore. So many people around me that disappoint me, so i will not anyone affect me or my emotions or my actions anymore. I'll do what i want and i do what makes me happy. Hear this, you will not take my dignity away from me and i will not let you treat me like i do not exist.

I have made a lot of thinking about this, whatever happens from early this year till now, anything good or bad, has been playing on my mind all year round and i had enough. Yes, i know i am old and it take me so long to learn. That was my weakest point, i trust people too much and i have faith in people and i believe that there is some good things in them. But after so many 'unfortunate event', i have already think it through as i envy people who can just breakaway..and i will, eventually i will.

I know I've been rambling on like some crazy woman, but it just flows out from me. I am saying this not on impulse but these thoughts have been in my mind over and over again. These 'events' keep playing and rewinding itself in my head. I won't let them affect me anymore. My New Year will be a great one..i know. I'm finally breaking free of all things bad!

I Love You Grandma, May You Rest in Peace.

Today is the final day of my Grandmother's funeral, we have buried her with my grandfather and she finally rest in peace with him. We were not asked to wear the traditional attire as my mother was given away, so we were consider illegitimate. Due to respect, we still were there to pay our last respect throughout the 3 days.

Our last prayer this morning was an emotional one, i told myself not to cry but my tears just flow and i couldn't help it. It is a tradtion that we were not allowed to look when the coffin is moved, even at the cemetery when the people move her coffin to the burial ground and laying the coffin in, we were not allowed to see unless the coffin is idle.

I remember i did ask my grandfather (from my father's side) why can't we look? I was told that we are not allowed to look because we don't want to hold her spirit back. If we look back, means that we don't want her spirit to leave and she can't move on to afterlife. That is how the tradition derived.

I knew my Grandmother was with us when they moved her coffin out of the house. I smell something from our childhood, the smell that reminds me of grandma. Me and my sister Melodee was like looking at each other, we are saying like, 'it's Grandma'. The smell brings back memories that we spend time with my Grandma, that very smell reminds us of her. It was the smell of loveletter. Our memories with her was sitting down around the hot charcoal and making loveletters for Chinese New Year. We usually gather, everyone will be there, making loveletters.

Grandma, you will always be in our hearts and never forgotten. Everytime i smell of loveletters, it reminds me of you. Love you Grandma and may you rest in peace.

Still pushing through....

It's nearly the end of another year. It has gone by in a flash, it seems like just yesterday i just came back from my trip to Bali. Every piece of memory still vividly paints my thoughts. I never had so much fun before in all of my trips, hopefully my trip next year to Cambodia will be as unforgettable as my trip to the Island of Gods.

I let another year gone by without improving myself academically, physically and mentally. Basically i am still the same as i first started entering year 2008. I felt i have wasted so much of my time for the past few years. Giving myself excuses for what i can't do to make myself feel better and feeling worst everytime i try to find more excuses for myself.

I'm not really a fan of making resolutions, why make any when you can't even follow through it? So, yea..i am being a hypocrite here. So, i am making a resolution that i will follow through all of the resolution that I'll make coming 2009. Well, i hope i can like fully make at least 1 resolution happen. I'm not going to let another year gone by without any improvement or changes into my routine.

One thing that really boost my confidence is that i got headhunted. Twice in fact, which is great for me. Working with the same company for more than 3 years has made me too comfortable. I have not even consider throwing myself out there in the market again. Finding better prospects for my career and getting paid for what i am really worth.

So, i am putting myself out there again finally, and now, i have to pull back. The economy is not looking very good, by next year there will be nearly 5000 people getting retrenched. Hopefully that I'm not in that pool of people, feeling insecure right now. Moving jobs now is definitely not an option, better to stay put for now. That is what people has been telling me.

I assume next year won't be a very good year, financially wise. Although the petrol price has gone down gradually, the food price did not decrease even a single cent. Way to go to hike up the petrol price drastically without even considering the long term effect it will bring to the RAKYAT. I say that is a good judgement there from the government.

This year i have put a lot of thought of furthering my studies part time. Thought of doing early childhood education, also to do my Masters which i have not thought of what major i should take, maybe something related to my job. Even thought of continuing my German Language class, i have stopped for more than 3 years. So many things in mind, but no action. I have that i procrastinate, but i have so many things to think about. Financially especially, and i am not making any excuses, trust me.

I have made a very important decision, which i will be taking a major exam next year in April. It cost me more than RM2500 to sit for this paper, and i don't wish to flunk it. Thinking of postponing the test to the year 2010, but why wait so long? i would get lazier if i keep thinking i still have a lot of time to get prepared. I'm definitely a last minute person, i work and study in stress. Which i cannot afford to do so right now as it involves my life savings.

And surprisingly, i will be attending my 2nd level of German lessons on the 12th of January 2009. Yup, i put myself in more stress and disaster. I will i manage my time? I really don't know. But i know i spend to much of my time at home and it is not healthy. Well, wish me luck! I'll enter the year 2009 with a bang!

Travelling is my PASSION!

I'm so bored today. So, i was just going through my Bali pictures. I really love all the pictures taken when i was in Bali last year. Makes me feel so peaceful and relax, makes me reminise the time i spent with my 2 friends and cousin. Really would love to go back there again if i get the chance.

The sceneries there are fantastic, you can never get to see that kind of scenic view in Malaysia. I'll post of my favourite pictures i have taken so far. Will definitely develop the pictures for rememberance. Yea, i have selected of the thousands of picture taken. Total of pictures to date that i want to develop, adds up to 498!!!! Burn la my pocket money!

Sunsets at Bali

Famous Landmark

Beautiful Scenery

People of Bali

Are you afraid of a CHANGE???

CHANGE. I am always afraid of a 'change'. From Kindergarten to Primary school, i fear of new environment, new teachers, making new friends (if i happen to meet any) everything new and foreign gives me the chills down my spine.

My transition from primary school to secondary school and from secondary to varsity, finally after that i venture into the working society has never been a pleasant one. My biggest fear was directly after my graduation. I realised that i have to get myself a JOB! Not just any job, but a job that pays me well, provides good benefits, future development and a bright perspective for further enhancement.

We always hear people say 'get a jon with a MNC (Multi National Corporation)'. So, that's is mostly what i get from 'older' people, hence, that is how i start my job hunting. Hunting down MNCs. Writing resume to any MNC that i could think of or came-across from newspaper ads. Waiting for 'the one' that could give me a call for an interview. The wait is painful, i felt like dying, waiting to die la!

For more than 3 months i went from interviews to interviews. It left me with nothing but more miserable and disappointment. I felt useless and demotivated. I was at the verge of giving, what i did after that? I decline all interviews after that. Yup! How stupid of me!

I remember one of the interviewers' asked 'Where are you from?'. 'I'm from Klang.' I answered. The interviewer gace remarks that I'm staying very far, asking me how long i need to travel and so on. I naively answered and emphasize that travelling is not a problem for me as i have been studying in KL and travelling is normal to me. I was kinda used to it. The interviewer was not happy with my answer and hit me back 'That is what everyone would say, Initially they will be OK with it. When they get the job and after working for some time, they will start to compain. Eventually they will leave the organisation. I was dumbfounded!

What did the interviewer mean by 'they'? Klang people perhaps? Why judge me when you have not worked with me before? Yes, i was a fresh graduate then, furthermore there are so many unemployed grads out there. Don't you think i will grab hold of any job that i can get my hands on? I just want a job to gain experience, doing what i love would be a plus. It will take time and i need time to figure out what i really like to do. But i don't think i will be so stupid to give up a job because of distance. I can always shift out and live some where nearer to work. I can CHANGE my routine, my lifestyle, whatever. Some sacrifices have to be made right?

My father saw me getting demovitated by the day, and finally, i broke down. I cried and i refuse to attend to anymore interviews. So, my dad told me, i should just go to as many interviews as i can. He said, he won't be surprise that when finally one calls back, another one will follow. Then i have another issue to worry about. That is more crucial as i will have to make the decision on which organization that i should aceept.

Well, i did get calls from 2 prestigious oorganization. It was not all that difficult to choose. Why did i say that, because i have one call from a Government body which is MIDA (Malaysia Industrial Development Authority) which i turned down because they are only offering a contractual position. So, i accepted the offer as a Graduate Trainee at Scope International a wholly subsidary of Standard Chartered UK where i am still currently working.

Change at work is a norm thing, i was transfered from a team to the team that i am with right now. Initially, i was really reluctant to be transfered, finding all excuses that i can come up with, hoping that i can stay with my old team. I talked to my parents, to my superiors and also to my other colleagues. All seem to be quite supportive and encouraging me that this 'change' is a good chance. I was thinking..a good chance for what?

I was told that the team that i will be joining is better. Serving a foreign country, better market, learning new things and in future the experience will be in demand. But i was worried and most of all i felt really scared. Scared of being in a new team, in a new team means i will have new team mates, means working with new people that you won't know if you could get along with, new conflicts, new boss, new procedures, new everything. Which truthfully, i was not ready for.

I have to start from ZERO again, which is also the main reason why i was afraid. I was not confident that i would learn everything fast, or not fast enough and they would judge me on how i absorb things that are thrown to me. I was afraid that i would make mistake which eventually cause the company millions which will puncture my self-esteem and directly affect my performance, which indirectly will affect my BONUS! Yea, i was thinking of money...who doesn't?

I was confident before when i was with my old team. I can do well, get good ratings and i am not sure why i was thinking too much that i could not make it. I pick up the courage and confront my superior, i asked 'Why of so many people that i was chosen to be transfered?' My superior was quite put off by my question, saying that 'Why is everyone so afraid to change? i am giving you an opportunity to learn more, to improve, to broaden your horizon . Why is it so difficult?'. Then i was thinking, It is right. Why am i trying to deny the fact that i am given the chance to improve myself, to learn a new product. If i learn this and do well in it, i am already 1 up compared to the others. Most people requested for a transfer and got declined.

Why am i talking about this at this moment that happen nearly a year ago. Because i have read this book written by Dr. Spencer Johnson titled 'Who moved my cheese?'. It is a fairly simple and straight forward book and is easy to read. After reading it, it triggers this moment that i have faced a year ago and how it had changed me and the way i think.

The book is so general that it applies to anything that you are facing in life. Be it about work or about your life, your relationship even your family. It talks about change and transition in life, and if i would have come across this book earlier. I think i would have learned to embrace and welcome any change that i should make in my life. I know i would have taken a different approach and accept the challenge and try new things that motivates me to be better in anything that i do.

I remember telling my superior that i have not learned the full cycle of my current job and i am not ready to be transfered. I am strating to get comfortable with the work and people that i worked with. That is where my superior caught me and emphasizes that 'That is my purpose, we don't want you to get too comfortable. It could lead to a problem when you get too comfortable with anything. You have to be more versatile'.

Damn it, why didn't i see it in the firsst place. I was given the most valuable opportunity that will never come my way again and i was about to throw it down the drain. When i read the book, i was like,...Hey....that was me, i was resisting to change. I was exactly like one of the 'Littlepeople' that is described in the book that over-analyzes every detail and fear for the worst that will happen if i really change.

I would love to share the story, but then it will make this entry a little draggy (well, it is getting draggy anyway) I will just share it briefly, It is talking about 4 characters namely 'Sniff and Scurry' the mice and 'Hem and Haw' the Littlepeople. 4 of them were placed in a maze and see which one of them survive in the search of the ultimately goal which is the 'cheese'. Cheese here depicts the most important thing that you want in life 'success, fame, money, glory, love, promotion..you name it. Whatever it is, it should represented your goal in life.

Each character have their uniqus characteristics. 'Sniff' represents a person who sniffs out the change early and work towards it. 'Scurry' represents the person ho scurries into action, it means it accepts changes and works on it. However, 'Hem' is the one that denies and resist change as it fears it will lead to something worst. 'Haw' is the one who learns to adapt in time when he sees changing can lead to something better.

I would say that i am 'Haw' in this situationas i did succumb to changes when i can see it will lead me to something way better which it did :) But i am getting too comfortable now and that makes me a little worry. I am afraid that i will return to be like before, afraid that i will be too comfortable to change or to leave for something better.

Recently, i was thinking of a change. It is kind of boring and routine now. But one of my biggest fear is going back for interviews again, convincing my suppose future employer how good i am or how hardworking i am and how capable i am. Furthermore, if i need to change job, i need to have money le, i need to buy new formal attire as my company right now does not require me to dress formally, only casual. Sigh!! What say you? Do you think it is time for me to change? Or have i went back to square one?

Blast From The Past

Wow...time really flies..the last i remember 2007 have just started...it's already a week after 2008 New Year..and i am very sure time will fly by so quick that in a second it will be 2009 already.

New year is just like another day for me. Nothing much to look forward to..except for bonus and salary annual increment early of the year..hehe.. but after that, they money will be gone in a blink of an eye..pay for car installment la, road tax la, car insurance la..aiya..so fast all gone already.

I'm really not too sure how i spent my entire year..you look back is 365 days wasted if you have not done anything resourceful. I myself..have wasted a year of doing nothing. Absolutely nothing to improve myself..I don't believe in New Year Resolution, only one reason because i won't follow through with it, Haha!! Anyway, why not i just review my year 2007..

JANUARY
Celebrated New Year with both my cousins (Nicole and Chai In) at Central Cafe. We ordered a bucket of beer and was entitled to a number for the Lucky Draw held that night. Sigh, you know la..i am never good in lucks like this, but one man came around and gave us 2 more numbers, so we just took it. For all we know..that 2 given numbers won us 2 lucky draw prize. Talking about LUCK eh! It was a good start!

Me and Chai In

Myself and Nicole

Three Musketeers!

Then attend my first ever concert! Thanks to my Dad he won the grand prize for a lucky draw at a pub, as Carlsberg is one of the official sponsors to Rain's Tour, we got 2 free tickets and i invited Samantha to join me. We had a time of our lives!!! Can't wait to attend another Big concert!! I missed the Gwen Stefani's concert and Live and Loud KL :(

FEBRUARY
Got selected as a Committee of my Trade Department called Hackers as a Treasurer. Also nominated as a Committee in our Team EDC HK (Export Document Checking Hong Kong) on all of our Q12 activities. Don't ask me what is Q12.

Celebrated Chinese New Year and got my First ever Bonus!!!

MARCH

Organize a trip for my team to Genting Highlands. 2 Days and 1 Night at First World Hotel! We took a bus over after work on a Friday night and My Boss send us back to KL Sentral back to Klang! All i can say, it is quite a successful gathering, as we spent the whole day going on rides after rides after rides :) One of my colleague said, this is the last time he is ever going on the 'Cockscrew' because he is too old for another thrill to make his heart stop. He don't want to die so soon of heart attack..haha!!

Colleagues at Genting

The girls!

Boss acting crazy!

Haha!

Mugin doing his thing

How can we forget Chia! (he kept arguing that he was sitting on a horse)

Also not to forget Canna celebrated her birthday, she held a big barbecue party at her place. I remember everyone turned up late, i was late too because i get caught up with work. Anyway, we had a blast. Happy, Happy!!! Eh, where's the photos ah Canna???

APRIL

Nothing much happen in April. Except my car is one year old!

MAY
My dearest friends celebrated my birthday at Chillis MidValley. We called it the 'Ladies Nite Out!' Usually we end up doing crazy stuffs, as always Canna will always have her camera with her and end up capturing our crazy acts. It's all fun!

Doesn't look good...but taste good!!

Yum Yum

HHmmm...

Killer on the loose!

:)

JUNE

This is a very boring month for me, nothing much i have done for this month. this is when Canna starts pressuring me to start blogging again. Lazy ma, so i posted an event happened 6 months ago..hehehhee. Just for the sake of catching up la konon.

I did also do a lot of survey on the trip i have been planning for some time. Manage to booked 4 tickets to Bali for 8 days 7 nights. Yes, i know..it's a long trip. Booked rooms from 2 different hotels and me, myself and i did all the itinerary of the supposedly events that we need to follow la. But didn't ..hehe

JULY

This is the best month throughout the whole year. We step down in Bali, our long awaited holiday. This is when the group called "The Beh Tahan Girls' was officially formed. The Beh Tahan Girls are consist of Samantha Pua, Nicole Chia, Doris Gwee and of course Myself :)

We have been anticipating for this trip for a few months and we can't believe that we have finally reached to the beautiful island. We had lots and lots of laugh, and lots of walking and lots of shopping definitely :) Love the beach, love the temples, love the scenery, love the food and of course we love the people and the laid back lifestyle

The Beh Tahan Girls

Cover Photo Shoot!

Nice one.

Nice Sea View

Poser!

Nicer View

We just look so good together :)

Nice Braids and Bikini!

Hard Rock!

AUGUST
Celebrated our 50th year of independence!! Of course, my company always comes up with this competition within departments. To decorate the office and see which department has the most creative deco plus some performance of course :)

Mr. President Tunku Abdul Rahman And his man-made Proton

All the other ministers

As usual, i did a lot of work to decorate the office. all waste time and money. Later it will be taken down and thrown away. All my hard work, gone down the drain. So tempted to keep it, if i do so then my room will be filled with junk. Sigh!!

This is what i did, nice or not?

I didn't manage to take picture of the silhouette take i have done of the Tugu Negara. That was my favourite piece of Art Work. But you still can see the banner that i have done. Too bad only won 3rd place.

SEPTEMBER
This month is really an eventful month. We'll start off with my company trip, it is yearly event held by my company. It is suppose to help to build the team spirit and co-operation within the team la. That's why it is called 'Team Building', for my past 2 years attending this event, i can officially say that is it not working for me. haha!!!

I think I'm really lacked of team spirit. but i really don't need another 'outing' like this to boost up my motivation. All in all, we had a good time at D'Ark.

P/S: The water there sucks! taste like chlorine, even the beverages like coffee and tea taste like chlorine, luckily i brought my own water. My colleagues warn me that my precious water will go missing that night, thus, i hugged my bottle to sleep.

Not to forget, i attend an event that held once a year for free at Mont Kiara. I've heard this event for a long long time and i always say i will definitely find time to watch it...free ma. It was the Jazz Festival! Sad to say, i'm kind of disappointed that i could not get to see Sheila Majid. I love her songs!

How can i forget the Firework Competition held in KL. 1st in Malaysia, so how can i miss it right? Went there to see the finale, damn unlucky, we got caught under the rain, and if the rain goes on they would have to postpone the Firework display. The day didn't really go well for me.

OCTOBER
Celebrated Hari Raya, more the Raya Deco goes up at office. Canna was very kind to come over and help me out with my 'Rumah Kampung' Thank you, Thank you veri muchi!!! muackkss muackkss!!!

Sigh..i need to get myself out of the team committee. I don't need to spend another weekend doing things that won't help me with my social life. (as if i have a social life la)

My Mom and Canna helping me out with the Raya Deco

But at least i did went out to have dinner with some of my girlfriends :) We had a great time at Hard Rock!

NOVEMBER
This month is quite eventful (told you i have a social life). Firstly, Canna, Celina, Angeline and myself had celebrated Ah Boy's birthday. After that we head off to Matrix and end up taking pictures of random stuffs we do.

I have also went down to Danuk Thailand and had my first taste of Silk Worms, Yummy!! Who wants to join me next?

DECEMBER

Celebrated Christmas at Canna's. She bought me a little piggy! cute cute! As every year we have Christmas Deco at office. Getting kinda lazy and out of idea already. We did it as simple as possible and to our amaze, with so little effort, we still win the deco competition. i guess i just have the talent eh. I guess i'm into the wrong profession!!

I hope that the year 2008 will be a good one for me, i'm really praying for a good raise and better bonus of course. Hope the year 2008 will bring good luck and success to everyone.

HAPPY 2008