Are you afraid of a CHANGE???

CHANGE. I am always afraid of a 'change'. From Kindergarten to Primary school, i fear of new environment, new teachers, making new friends (if i happen to meet any) everything new and foreign gives me the chills down my spine.

My transition from primary school to secondary school and from secondary to varsity, finally after that i venture into the working society has never been a pleasant one. My biggest fear was directly after my graduation. I realised that i have to get myself a JOB! Not just any job, but a job that pays me well, provides good benefits, future development and a bright perspective for further enhancement.

We always hear people say 'get a jon with a MNC (Multi National Corporation)'. So, that's is mostly what i get from 'older' people, hence, that is how i start my job hunting. Hunting down MNCs. Writing resume to any MNC that i could think of or came-across from newspaper ads. Waiting for 'the one' that could give me a call for an interview. The wait is painful, i felt like dying, waiting to die la!

For more than 3 months i went from interviews to interviews. It left me with nothing but more miserable and disappointment. I felt useless and demotivated. I was at the verge of giving, what i did after that? I decline all interviews after that. Yup! How stupid of me!

I remember one of the interviewers' asked 'Where are you from?'. 'I'm from Klang.' I answered. The interviewer gace remarks that I'm staying very far, asking me how long i need to travel and so on. I naively answered and emphasize that travelling is not a problem for me as i have been studying in KL and travelling is normal to me. I was kinda used to it. The interviewer was not happy with my answer and hit me back 'That is what everyone would say, Initially they will be OK with it. When they get the job and after working for some time, they will start to compain. Eventually they will leave the organisation. I was dumbfounded!

What did the interviewer mean by 'they'? Klang people perhaps? Why judge me when you have not worked with me before? Yes, i was a fresh graduate then, furthermore there are so many unemployed grads out there. Don't you think i will grab hold of any job that i can get my hands on? I just want a job to gain experience, doing what i love would be a plus. It will take time and i need time to figure out what i really like to do. But i don't think i will be so stupid to give up a job because of distance. I can always shift out and live some where nearer to work. I can CHANGE my routine, my lifestyle, whatever. Some sacrifices have to be made right?

My father saw me getting demovitated by the day, and finally, i broke down. I cried and i refuse to attend to anymore interviews. So, my dad told me, i should just go to as many interviews as i can. He said, he won't be surprise that when finally one calls back, another one will follow. Then i have another issue to worry about. That is more crucial as i will have to make the decision on which organization that i should aceept.

Well, i did get calls from 2 prestigious oorganization. It was not all that difficult to choose. Why did i say that, because i have one call from a Government body which is MIDA (Malaysia Industrial Development Authority) which i turned down because they are only offering a contractual position. So, i accepted the offer as a Graduate Trainee at Scope International a wholly subsidary of Standard Chartered UK where i am still currently working.

Change at work is a norm thing, i was transfered from a team to the team that i am with right now. Initially, i was really reluctant to be transfered, finding all excuses that i can come up with, hoping that i can stay with my old team. I talked to my parents, to my superiors and also to my other colleagues. All seem to be quite supportive and encouraging me that this 'change' is a good chance. I was thinking..a good chance for what?

I was told that the team that i will be joining is better. Serving a foreign country, better market, learning new things and in future the experience will be in demand. But i was worried and most of all i felt really scared. Scared of being in a new team, in a new team means i will have new team mates, means working with new people that you won't know if you could get along with, new conflicts, new boss, new procedures, new everything. Which truthfully, i was not ready for.

I have to start from ZERO again, which is also the main reason why i was afraid. I was not confident that i would learn everything fast, or not fast enough and they would judge me on how i absorb things that are thrown to me. I was afraid that i would make mistake which eventually cause the company millions which will puncture my self-esteem and directly affect my performance, which indirectly will affect my BONUS! Yea, i was thinking of money...who doesn't?

I was confident before when i was with my old team. I can do well, get good ratings and i am not sure why i was thinking too much that i could not make it. I pick up the courage and confront my superior, i asked 'Why of so many people that i was chosen to be transfered?' My superior was quite put off by my question, saying that 'Why is everyone so afraid to change? i am giving you an opportunity to learn more, to improve, to broaden your horizon . Why is it so difficult?'. Then i was thinking, It is right. Why am i trying to deny the fact that i am given the chance to improve myself, to learn a new product. If i learn this and do well in it, i am already 1 up compared to the others. Most people requested for a transfer and got declined.

Why am i talking about this at this moment that happen nearly a year ago. Because i have read this book written by Dr. Spencer Johnson titled 'Who moved my cheese?'. It is a fairly simple and straight forward book and is easy to read. After reading it, it triggers this moment that i have faced a year ago and how it had changed me and the way i think.

The book is so general that it applies to anything that you are facing in life. Be it about work or about your life, your relationship even your family. It talks about change and transition in life, and if i would have come across this book earlier. I think i would have learned to embrace and welcome any change that i should make in my life. I know i would have taken a different approach and accept the challenge and try new things that motivates me to be better in anything that i do.

I remember telling my superior that i have not learned the full cycle of my current job and i am not ready to be transfered. I am strating to get comfortable with the work and people that i worked with. That is where my superior caught me and emphasizes that 'That is my purpose, we don't want you to get too comfortable. It could lead to a problem when you get too comfortable with anything. You have to be more versatile'.

Damn it, why didn't i see it in the firsst place. I was given the most valuable opportunity that will never come my way again and i was about to throw it down the drain. When i read the book, i was like,...Hey....that was me, i was resisting to change. I was exactly like one of the 'Littlepeople' that is described in the book that over-analyzes every detail and fear for the worst that will happen if i really change.

I would love to share the story, but then it will make this entry a little draggy (well, it is getting draggy anyway) I will just share it briefly, It is talking about 4 characters namely 'Sniff and Scurry' the mice and 'Hem and Haw' the Littlepeople. 4 of them were placed in a maze and see which one of them survive in the search of the ultimately goal which is the 'cheese'. Cheese here depicts the most important thing that you want in life 'success, fame, money, glory, love, promotion..you name it. Whatever it is, it should represented your goal in life.

Each character have their uniqus characteristics. 'Sniff' represents a person who sniffs out the change early and work towards it. 'Scurry' represents the person ho scurries into action, it means it accepts changes and works on it. However, 'Hem' is the one that denies and resist change as it fears it will lead to something worst. 'Haw' is the one who learns to adapt in time when he sees changing can lead to something better.

I would say that i am 'Haw' in this situationas i did succumb to changes when i can see it will lead me to something way better which it did :) But i am getting too comfortable now and that makes me a little worry. I am afraid that i will return to be like before, afraid that i will be too comfortable to change or to leave for something better.

Recently, i was thinking of a change. It is kind of boring and routine now. But one of my biggest fear is going back for interviews again, convincing my suppose future employer how good i am or how hardworking i am and how capable i am. Furthermore, if i need to change job, i need to have money le, i need to buy new formal attire as my company right now does not require me to dress formally, only casual. Sigh!! What say you? Do you think it is time for me to change? Or have i went back to square one?